Tears and Anger

I walked again today, as I have promised myself that I would do every day until I reach my goal.  But, it wasn't easy.  I stewed in a state of anger, disbelief, and sadness all day.  Sometimes I posted or responded to people's posts on Facebook, mostly making other people angry by advocating armed self-defense for the GLBT community.  I'm so sick and tired of being sheep for slaughter.  The police, God bless them for their tough job that they do, usually can only show up after the slaughter has already occurred, to shoot the perpetrator and to "investigate" the crime.  Enough!  We're in a war, and I, along with every other person who is gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender, are specific targets of maniacs who are apparently motivated by Sharia law to take vengeance on us for who we are.  I'm sorry, but armed self-defense seems to be the only way to prevent more slaughters.  And we are not the only targets....everyone who isn't aligned with their belief system is a target.  Sure, there are "moderate," peace-loving Muslims out there, but there seem to also be many who are offended by our country's culture, its freedoms, and offended by how we lead our lives.  Some of them are so offended on behalf of their "god" that they feel justified in killing us.  This makes me sad, angry, and determined.

So, I walked.  First, I walked to the store to get my gay son, who is ill right now, some cereal and milk...that added about 4,000 steps, there and back.  Then I walked again with my wife to a pizza dinner.  On the way home, we decided (because I needed 6,000 more steps) to take an alternate route home.  I saw in the distance the flashing of police lights, and I thought, hmm...should we go that way?  But, we kept walking.  Pretty soon there were other people walking with us, all headed the same direction.  We walked past the rainbow flag at half-mast...then I saw that the police were there to protect a gathering crowd.  The news media were gathered under the flag pole, each of them filing their video news report for the eleven-o-clock news.  We kept walking with the gathering crowd...and another policeman directed us away from our planned walking route and toward the GLBT Center.  There were several thousand people...standing respectfully, waiting for a memorial meeting to begin.  That's when I started crying.  I hadn't cried yet.  I couldn't help it.  49 dead....53 wounded badly...and every one of us standing there knew that it could have easily been any one of us.  We all share that sense of being at risk from people who hate us.  My wife saw me crying and patted my back....and all I could do was keep walking.  I couldn't stay...it was too much.  We walked slowly past the stream of people walking past us.  Eventually, the stream of people slowed to a trickle, then just a few.  In a way, I was relieved....I could focus on my walking and not think about the horror of yesterday.  I was relieved to turn the final corner and head for home, and halfway through the block, my Fitbit registered that I had just completed the toughest 10,000 steps of the last 22 days.  I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

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Where am I on the virtual walk between San Diego and Washington D.C.?  I am about 2 days journey away yet from reaching the Mexican/US border.  Here's what it looks like at the point that I reached today, still walking past farm houses, out buildings, and fields on Highway 8.  CLICK HERE